Conversation with a Cow

First of all I'd like to explain something... Ms Cow's 'talking' style. Combine a small voice, lolCats speak, an attitude and a slight Chicago accent...and there ya go.

On the way home from work yesterday, Ms Cow and I had this conversation.

Ms Cow (MC): Oh my, she nots gonna likes dat.

Me: Who's not going to like what?!?

MC: da Queen!

Me: What in the world are you talking about?

MC: you didn't see da big words next to the place where the cars goes fast?

Me: Huh?

MC: dere! DERE!!!!

Me: oh...the billboard next to the highway...

MC: YES!! Dat ting. Dat BIG ting.

Me: It just said "Tattoo Expo at the Cow Palace". What's the big deal?

MC: Dat's not right. Exposing all dem tattoos in fronts of da Queen.

Me: Um...the Queen won't be there Ms Cow.

MC: Yes she will. Is da Palace of Cows, right?

Me: Ummm

MC: Dat's where da Queen of Cows lives!

Me: ummmmmm

MC: Yous just can't goes in dere exposing your tattoos to Her Majesty da Queen Cow. She's vewi sensitives about dat sort of ting. She will not bees amuses.

Me: Ummm...Ms Cow?

MC: yah

Me: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there is no Queen Cow that lives at the Cow Palace.

MC: What?!?!?!?!

Me: It's just a big building and it just happens to have a name that has the word Cow and the word Palace in it.

MC: Dat's not right. Queens always lives in Palaces.

Me: I'm sure they do, but this big building isn't a palace, it's just a big, big building where lots of people go to have big meetings and expos.

MC: I hopes you not going to drags me dere den. I don't wants to see no tattoos exposing.

Me: Don't worry, I don't either.

MC: Good. Can we go when dey are done exposing dere tattoos?

Me: We can go when there is a big meeting that we want to go to...ok?

MC: OKs...I still don't believes you about dere not being a Queen dere...I has to see for myselfs.

Me: OK, but we're not going there until there is something we'd like to see. Next Spring will be the Flower Show. You'd like that, wouldn't you?

MC: Noms! Yes, I'd likes dat vewi vewi much! Da Royel Gardens will haz lots of good flowerses and grasses to noms!!!

Me: Sigh. (hand to head...)