sigh....

Still trying to get my self together and dive in to a post-a-rama here at the Chaos.

Just haven't had it in me to do it yet. I'll get there...eventually.

Today was encouraging and setting back all at once...you know...the ol' one step forward, two steps back routine...

One step forwards....one day closer to my Honey Trip...finished off some stuff with work that has been giving me grief and causing it's fair share of sleepless nights...progress on my sister's birthday + 5 gift (that's actual date of b-day + x amount of days overdue)...back to the treadmill routine regularly (that would mean daily)...have the use of a car for the week...

Two steps backs...more blog fodder keeps popping up, yet I don't get around to blogging about it...about half of all clothes purchased recently for the trip do not fit (that would be the bottom half)...High School application craziness...hair still grey...our Xmas tree is still up (and the little guy is still alive and kicking too)...

Tonight Spencer and I went out for a bit of shopping and looking around. I ended up in the Fitting Room (hell on earth) with some pants. The pants I originally bought at the after-Xmas-sales don't fit...they are too tight. A temporary setback I keep hearing. Yeah, whatever. I know I will get back down, blah, blah, blah...but it still didn't help me feel better tonight as I tried on pair after pair of size 18 jeans and slacks. Just 2 short weeks ago, during my shopping spree at the sales, I was wearing a size 14....and during my brief stint in the size 12's, I promised myself that I would never, ever, ever be a size 18 again. Yet there they hang on the door, my new size 18 jeans. It's all I could bring myself to purchase tonight. They were the last pair of pants I tried on, and the only ones I bought. If I still need size 18's by the time the trip rolls around, I will go and buy the others. Tonight I was too tired, and too emo to fork over the cash. And while I took off the new jeans and folded them up, I had a little sit down and sniffle session. Yes folks, I cried in the fitting room at Wal-Mart. A nice short little wah-wah-wah. Yes Antonella, I gave in to the urge...just couldn't stop it. Once that was done, I picked myself up, and walked off to purchase my new jeans. They fit well, were just the perfect length and were on sale. What more could you ask for...don't say it.

And now I sit here stressed and down...wanting so much to have me a bit of vanilla ice cream. Which I will not because it's almost midnight, I'm hitting the sack after I publish, and it's not a good thing to do anyways. I have in the past turned to food when stressed (both emotionally and physically) and I don't need to get back on that nasty wagon. Don't need to be eating myself into size 20's either...oh HELL no...

Really don't know what mental shape (or if I'll be clothed for that matter) I'll be in come time for the Honey Trip. Screw it all, I'm going anyway. I have a few skirts that fit...and one pair of jeans...and if I still can't sleep, there's always the flights over for a nice long nap or two.

In the meantime, I look forward to the day where I don't feel like a Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Balloon anymore, my hair is no longer grey, and I get a good night's sleep.

Well, at least I can do the no longer grey thing...Looks like that's happening before the week is out. I need a mood boost.